The Superpower of Top Performers: How Asking for Feedback Accelerates Success

Many people hesitate to ask for feedback, concerned about criticism or discomfort. Feedback can feel uncomfortable because it challenges our identity and relationships, triggering a fight-or-flight response.

Despite the obvious fear of what we might hear or how we might feel, the most successful people actively seek it—not because they enjoy critique but because they recognize its constructive power.

Actively seeking feedback is a way to practice resilience and demonstrate courage, humility, and trust in others.

The Real Secret to Growth: How You Receive Feedback Matters More Than How It’s Given

Through years of coaching leaders and teams, we’ve found that improving feedback culture isn’t about perfecting how people give feedback—that’s unrealistic and beyond our control. Instead, the real advantage comes from mastering how you receive it, even when it’s messy, unexpected, or hard to hear.

What is the best way to develop this “feedback resilience”?

Actively ask for it.

Why?

1. You Get Closer to the Truth (Instead of Guessing)

Without feedback, we operate under the illusion of competence. We second-guess ourselves, obsess over interactions, and wonder what others think. Regular feedback eliminates uncertainty, enhances self & situational awareness, and aligns perception with reality.

• Low performers assume they already know best and rarely seek outside perspectives.

• High performers recognize their blind spots and actively seek insights to improve.

2. You Look Strong, Not Weak

Asking for feedback signals confidence and a commitment to growth. High performers know they aren’t perfect but seek feedback to improve faster.

• Low performers become defensive or only ask for feedback to hear praise.

• High performers show strength by showing they are imperfect and asking for help.

3. You Build Resilience (A Muscle, Not a Weakness)

The more you expose yourself to feedback, the less it stings. Over time, tough messages feel less like threats and more like stepping stones to progress.

• Low performers avoid feedback due to the emotional discomfort it brings.

• High performers develop resilience to unpack the worst of feedback with a calm smile

How to Ask for Feedback (Without Feeling Awkward)

The key to making feedback a habit is to start small. You don’t need to ask for life-changing insights every time; create regular, low-stakes opportunities.

1. Make It Safe for the Giver

People hesitate to give honest feedback, fearing negative reactions or worrying that they might have nothing valuable to say, which could make them feel ignorant or disinterested.

Set the right tone:

✅ "I appreciate your thoughts—just looking for an honest take."

✅ "No pressure—any small tweaks or insights would be really helpful."

✅ "I can imagine you might not have an opinion, and that’s fine too—just asking."

2. Start Small

Instead of establishing vague or overly ambitious goals, concentrate on one or a few specific areas where you can achieve tangible improvements. The clearer your request, the more actionable the feedback will be.

✅ "Was that email clear?"

✅ "How did that meeting flow for you?"

✅ "Did I explain that point well?"

3. Avoid the Word ‘Feedback’

Sometimes, "feedback" can feel heavy, intimidating, or too intimate. Use more natural phrasing:

✅ "What’s your perspective on..."

✅ "Any thoughts on..."

✅ "Any ideas on...?"

4. Absorb Feedback Using the CALM Model

When receiving feedback, use this simple framework to process it constructively:

• Consider: The giver might feel unprepared—don’t expect perfection.

• Awareness: Recognize your defensive tendencies. Smile, breathe, and stand strong.

• Listen: Stay present, take notes, and ask clarifying questions.

• Manage: If the feedback makes sense, commit and find small, consistent actions that lead to meaningful change

5. Asking for feedback shouldn’t feel like a setup to give feedback in return.

❌ "Thanks for your feedback! And now that we’re talking, let me give you some too."

6. Thank the giver and move on

Always show appreciation even if the feedback is not useful! It shows confidence and openness to learn.

✅ "Thanks for that—I hadn’t thought of it that way before."

✅ "I appreciate your honesty. That’s helpful to know."

✅ "This is tough to hear—but I appreciate your perspective."

No Need to Memorize: Our CLEAR + CALM GPT Helps You Ask for Feedback (https://chatgpt.com/g/g-KS9rG5egX-clear-calm-c-gpt)!

You already know that CLEAR + CALM helps you effectively give and receive feedback, but now we’ve trained it to help you ask for feedback, too.

Many people struggle with phrasing a request for feedback or worry about making it awkward. With CLEAR + CALM, you don’t have to memorize all the steps—just let the AI guide you in preparing, practicing, and refining your approach.

Final challenge: build your feedback muscle

• Ask one person for feedback. Use one of the scripts above.

• Start a feedback journal. Track key insights and improvements over time.

• Shift to a growth mindset. Feedback isn’t about proving yourself—it’s about improving yourself.